This is not our 4th Step Workshop in it’s entirety. Please join us the 3rd Monday of every month at 8:30pm et to participate in the entire workshop. The room opens one hour early for fellowship
8:30pm et 7:30pm ct 6:30pm mt 5:30pm pt
zoom 476 702 043
pw 008134
Page 60 - The A,B,c's
Life Based on Self will
Reading pages 61 & 62 in the first person gives us an idea of how living life thinking only of ourselves might look like
Three aspects of a relationship with God
The 3rd Step Decision
This is the how and the why of it.
taking the deal
Look at the step before the one you are having trouble with!
Many have trouble with doing the 4th Step because of a disconnection of the 3rd Step affirmation. In other-words they are “self-willing” the process by trying to write out a thorough and perfect inventory.
Step Four Instructions
Column one & two
A) Use the Third Step Prayer morning and night. Ask for help with inventory and truth in the morning, night and before writing with a prayer like this one taken from P64 of the Big Book.
B) Column One – Pray and write down every name that comes to you that needs to be on the list.
Don’t worry about why you were angry till the next column.
Don’t go on till the list is finished. You will know when the list is done.
If unsure Ask if these are the only ones you need to see for now.
C) Column Two – Make another list like the example on page 65
Next to each name we list every resentment we have towards each name in the first list.
If unsure Ask why you have a resentment towards that person
Column Three
A: Write a prayer at the top of the page like: “God please enable me to see the truth”
B – Column One: Put the Name and your resentment on the page.
Note: You will be using ONE PAGE per resentment!
Important: Some people have found it easier and more focused to write the Third Columns only at first looking at Self Esteem and Pride for all the resentments. Then going back and writing all of the Ambition and Security. Then coming back and finishing the Personal Relations, Sex Relations and Pocketbook. It has proven to help more people finish faster with a better understanding of the inventory process.
While writing about your self-esteem; If you truly had low self-esteem when the person in Column One did Column Two you would not have been resentful at them, you would have believed you got what you deserved. You will experience your difficulties easier in this area writing from a point of high self-esteem. It will take writing and seeing the fears bracketed alongside a few of these to understand this.
Using Bill’s references in Step Three as to how I’m like an actor trying to run the show. Consider here in the Third Column how I believed the situation should have gone and how I’m in the world assigning roles:
Self-esteem is my stage character. The role tha I’ve assigned myself.
Pride is how the rest of the players are supposed to see me.
Ambition is what I want out of this scene.
Security is what I need out of this scene to be okay.
Personal Relations I my deep seated idea of what this type of relationship should look like.
Sex Relations is my deep seated ideas of how a real man and/or real woman would be in this situation.
Pocket Book relates to my finances.
FOURTH COLUMN
1 – Read: Read Big Book from page 66 3rd paragraph “We turned” to page 67 3nd paragraph to “these matters straight” then see the inventory guide sheet to use as a guide while writing..
2 – Realization: Skip this instruction if Column One is not a person.
Before each Fourth Column, consider in paragraph form “How have I done the things I’ve resented in Column Two to the person I’ve listed in Column One and/or others?” (ref. p66 paragraph 4 “this was our course: We realized that the people who wronged us were perhaps spiritually sick….like ourselves”).
After considering the Realization say the Fourth Step Prayer (ref. p.67)
“This is a sick person like myself, how can I be helpful to
them? God save me from being angry. Thy will be done.”
Fourth Column Writing
When there are a lot of resentments it works well to section off the writing. First write on Self-Seeking and Selfish for all the resentments. Then go back and write all the Dishonest and Afraid.
1) Disregard the other person involved entirely, this is your inventory not theirs.
2) Where was I to blame, before? During? After? What did I do?
3) Look at the things you do to hold on to the resentment.
4) Look at things you do to protect yourself and how you look. I shun, I gossip, I yell.
5) Stay focused on what you’ve seen so far in Column One thru the Realization as you write.
.
Consider the following questions:
Where had I been…
Self-Seeking; Look around the whole resentment, what did I do? Where was I to blame?
My selfish actions were…?”
Selfish; What was my selfish thinking while I was doing the above self-seeking action?
My selfish attitudes were…?”
Dishonest; What were the lies I was telling myself that resulted in my selfish thinking above?
“I was in the delusion that…?”
Afraid; What are the fears that drive the delusions above?
“I was afraid….?”
The fears that drive the delusions, that result in the attitude that are behind the actions.(ref. p68 “driven by a hundred forms of fear, self-delusion, self-seeking and self pity (my attitude))
3 – Harms: Do I see harm that I caused? Look around the resentment: parents, friends, employers.
This is not our 4th Step Workshop in it’s entirety. Please join us the 3rd Monday of every month at 8:30pm et to participate in the entire workshop. The room opens one hour early for fellowship
8:30pm et 7:30pm ct 6:30pm mt 5:30pm pt
zoom 476 702 043
pw 008134