We hear a lot of stuff said in meetings that can’t be reconciled with the program as described in the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous. What follows are some of the things we often hear, along with what the Big Book has to say on the subject. Please submit anything you feel should be added to this list, along with the corresponding page and paragraph from the Big Book that deals with the subject
"Remember your last drunk"
Page 24, Paragraph 2: “We are unable, at times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink.”
"I choose not to drink today"
Page 24 Paragraph 2: “The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink.”
"Play the tape all the way through"
Page 24, paragraph 3: “The almost certain consequences that follow taking even a glass of beer do not crowd into the mind to deter us. I f these thoughts do occur, they are hazy and readily supplanted with the old threadbare idea that this time we shall handle ourselves like other people. There is a complete failure of the kind of defense that keeps one from putting his hand on a hot stove.”
"Think through the drink"
Page 43, paragraph 4: “Once more: The alcoholic at certain times has no effective mental defense against the first drink. Except in a few rare cases, neither he nor any other human being can provide such a defense. His defense must come from a Higher Power.”
"I will always be recovering, never recovered."
Title Page: “ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS. The Story of How Many Thousands of Men and Women Have Recovered from Alcoholism”
"I don't have an alcohol problem, I have a living problem"
Page xxvi, paragraph 2: “In our belief, any picture of the alcoholic which leaves out this physical factor is incomplete.”
"I'm a people pleaser. I need to learn to take care of myself"
Page 61, paragraph 2: “Is he not really a self-seeker even when trying to be kind?”
"Don't drink and go to meetings."
Page 34, paragraph 2: “Many of us felt we had plenty of character. There was a tremendous urge to cease forever. Yet we found it impossible. This is the baffling feature of alcoholism as we know it—this utter inability to leave it alone, no matter how great the necessity or the wish.”
"We must change playmates, playgrounds, and playthings"
Page 100-101: “Assuming we are spiritually fit, we can do all sorts of things alcoholics are not supposed to do. People have said we must not go where liquor is served; we must not have it in our homes; we must shun friends who drink; we must avoid moving pictures which show drinking scenes; we must not go into bars; our friends must hide their bottles if we go to their houses; we mustn’t think or be reminded about alcohol at all. Our experience shows that this is not necessarily so.
We meet these conditions every day. An alcoholic who cannot meet them, still has an alcoholic mind; there is something the matter with his spiritual status. His only chance for sobriety would be some place like the Greenland Ice Cap, and even there an Eskimo might turn up with a bottle of scotch and ruin everything!”
"This is a selfish program"
Page 20, paragraph 1: “Our very lives, as ex-problem drinkers depend upon our constant thought of others and how we may help meet their needs.”
Page 97, paragraph 2: “Helping others is the foundation stone of your recovery. A kindly act once in a while isn’t enough. You have to act the Good Samaritan every day, if need be. It may mean the loss of many nights’ sleep, great interference with your pleasures, interruptions to your business. It may mean sharing your money and your home, counseling frantic wives and relatives, innumerable trips to police courts, sanitariums, hospitals, jails and asylums. Your telephone may jangle at any time of the day or night. “
Page 14-15: “For if an alcoholic failed to perfect and enlarge his spiritual life through work and self-sacrifice for others, he could not survive the certain trials and low spots ahead.”
Page 62, paragraph 2: “Selfishness, self-centeredness! That, we think, is the root of our troubles”
"Meeting makers make it"
Page 59, paragraph 3: “Here are the steps we took, which are suggested as a program of recovery”
Page 82, paragraph 4: “The alcoholic is like a tornado roaring his way through the lives of others. Hearts are broken. Sweet relationships are dead. Affections have been uprooted. Selfish and inconsiderate habits have kept the home in turmoil. We feel a man is unthinking when he says that sobriety is enough.”
"I need to forgive myself first" or "You need to be good to yourself"
Page 74, paragraph 2: “ The rule is we must be hard on ourself, but always considerate of others.
"You're in the right place"
Page 20-21: “Then we have a certain type of hard drinker. He may have the habit badly enough to gradually impair him physically and mentally. It may cause him to die a few years before his time. If a sufficiently strong reason – ill health, falling in love, change of environment, or the warning of a doctor – becomes operative, this man can also stop or moderate, although he may find it difficult and troublesome and may even need medical attention.”
Page 31-32: “We do not like to pronounce any individual as alcoholic, but you can quickly diagnose yourself. Step over to the nearest barroom and try some controlled drinking. Try to drink and stop abruptly. Try it more than once. It will not take long for you to decide, if you are honest with yourself about it. It may be worth a bad case of jitters if you get a full knowledge of your condition.”
Page 95, paragraph 4: “If he thinks he can do the job in some other way, or prefers some other spiritual approach, encourage him to follow his own conscience.”
"If an alcoholic wants to get sober, nothing you say can make him drink. "
Page 103, paragraph 2: “A spirit of intolerance might repel alcoholics whose lives could have been saved, had it not been for such stupidity. We would not even do the cause of temperate drinking any good, for not one drinker in a thousand likes to be told anything about alcohol by one who hates it.”
"I haven't had a drink today, so I'm a complete success today."
Page 19, paragraph 1: “The elimination of drinking is but a beginning. A much more important demonstration of our principles lies before us in our respective homes, occupations and affairs.”
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"It's my opinion that..." or "I don't know anything about the Big Book, but this is the way I do it..."
Page 19, paragraph 1: “We have concluded to publish an anonymous volume setting forth the problem as we see it. We shall bring to the task our combined experience and knowledge. This should suggest a useful program for anyone concerned with a drinking problem.”
“My sponsor told me that, if in making an amend I would be harmed, I could consider myself as one of the ‘others’ in Step Nine.”
Page 79, paragraph 2 “Reminding ourselves that we have decided to go to any lengths to find a spiritual experience, we ask that we be given strength and direction to do the right thing, no matter what the personal consequences might be.”
""I have a choice to not drink today."
Page 30, paragraph 3: “We alcoholics are men and women who have lost the ability to control our drinking. We know that no real alcoholic ever recovers control. All of us felt at times that we were regaining control, but such intervals – usually brief – were inevitably followed by still less control, which led in time to pitiful and incomprehensible demoralization. We are convinced to a man that alcoholics of our type are in the grip of a progressive illness. Over any considerable period we get worse, never better.”
Don't drink, even if your ass falls off."
Page 34, paragraph 2: “Many of us felt we had plenty of character. There was a tremendous urge to cease forever. Yet we found it impossible. This is the baffling feature of alcoholism as we know it—this utter inability to leave it alone, no matter how great the necessity or the wish.”
We need to give up planning, it doesn't work."
Page 86, paragraphs 3-4: “On awakening let us think about the twenty-four hours ahead. We consider our plans for the day. Before we begin, we ask God to direct our thinking, especially asking that it be divorced from self-pity, dishonest or self-seeking motives. Under these conditions we can employ our mental faculties with assurance, for after all God gave us brains to use. Our thought-life will be placed on a much higher plane when our thinking is cleared of wrong motives.
In thinking about our day we may face indecision. We may not be able to determine which course to take. Here we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought or a decision. We relax and take it easy. We don’t struggle. We are often surprised how the right answers come after we have tried this for a while.”
"I haven't had a drink today, so I'm a complete success today."
Page 19, paragraph 1: “The elimination of drinking is but a beginning. A much more important demonstration of our principles lies before us in our respective homes, occupations and affairs.”
"You don't need a shrink. You have an alcoholic personality. All you will ever need is in the first 164 pages of the Big Book."
Page 133, 2nd paragraph: “But this does not mean that we disregard human health measures. God has abundantly supplied this world with fine doctors, psychologists, and practitioners of various kinds. Do not hesitate to take your health problems to such persons. Most of them give freely of themselves, that their fellows may enjoy sound minds and bodies. Try to remember that though God has wrought miracles among us, we should never belittle a good doctor or psychiatrist. Their services are often indispensable in treating a newcomer and in following his case afterward.”
Just do the next right thing
page 86 paragraph 4: ” We may not be able to determine which course to take. Here we ask God for inspiration, an intuitive thought or a decision.”
"Keep coming back, eventually it will rub off on you"
Page 64, Paragraph 1: “Though our decision was a vital and crucial step, it could have little permanent effect unless at once followed by a strenuous effort to face, and to be rid of, the things in ourselves which had been blocking us”
Don't Make any major decisions for the first year
Page 60, paragraph 4:
“(a) That we were alcoholic and could not manage our own lives.
(b) That probably no human power could have relieved our alcoholism.
(c) That God could and would if He were sought.
Being convinced, we were at Step Three, which is that we decided to turn our will and our life over to God as we understood Him.”
"Ninety Meetings in Ninety Days"
Page 15, paragraph 2:
“We meet frequently so that newcomers may find the fellowship they seek.”
"There are no musts in this program."
Page 99, paragraph 1:
“. . . it must be done if any results are to be expected.”
Page 99, paragraph 2: “we must try to repair the damage immediately lest we pay the penalty by a spree.”
Page 74: Those of us belonging to a religious denomination which requires confession must, and of course, will want to go to the properly appointed authority whose duty it is to receive it.”
Page 74, paragraph 2: “The rule is we must be hard on ourself, but always considerate of others.”
Page 75, paragraph 1: ” But we must not use this as a mere excuse to postpone.”
Page 85, paragraph 3: ” But we must go further and that means more action.”
Page 85, paragraph 2: ” Every day is a day when we must carry the vision of God’s will into all of our activities.”
Page 85, paragraph 2: “These are thoughts which must go with us constantly.”
Page 80, paragraph 1: ” If we have obtained permission, have consulted with others, asked God to help and the drastic step is indicated we must not shrink.”
Page 14, paragraph 2: ” I must turn in all things to the Father of Light who presides over us all.”
Page 144, paragraph 3: “The man must decide for himself.”
Page 89, paragraph 2: “To watch people recover, to see them help others, to watch loneliness vanish, to see a fellowship grow up about you, to have a host of friends – this is an experience you must not miss.”
Page 79, Paragraph 2: We must not shrink at anything.
Page 152, Paragraph 2: I know I must get along without liquor, but how can I?
Page 93, paragraph 3: “To be vital, faith must be accompanied by self sacrifice and unselfish, constructive action.”
Page 95, paragraph 3: “If he is to find God the desire must come from within.”
Page 159, paragraph 3: “Though they knew they must help other alcoholics if they would remain sober, that motive became secondary.”
Page 130, paragraph 2: “that is where our work must be done.”
Page 82, paragraph 3: “Certainly he must keep sober, for there will be no home if he doesn’t.”
Page 143, paragraph 2: “he should understand that he must undergo a change of heart”
Page 69, paragraph 4: “Whatever our ideal turns out to be, we must be willing to grow toward it.”
Page 69, paragraph 4: “We must be willing to make amends where we have done harm”
Page 44, paragraph 3: “we had to face the fact that we must find a spiritual basis of life – or else.”
Page 43, paragraph 4: “His defense must come from a Higher Power.”
Page 66, paragraph 4: “We saw that these resentments must be mastered”
Page 146, paragraph 4: ” For he knows he must be honest if he would live at all.”
Page 73, paragraph 5: “We must be entirely honest with somebody if we expect to live long or happily in this world.”
But Remember… “When the man is presented with this volume it is best that no one tell him he must abide by its suggestions.” page 144, paragraph 3
“It’s my opinion that…” or “I don’t know anything about the Big Book, but this is the way I do it…”
Page 19, paragraph 1: “We have concluded to publish an anonymous volume setting forth the problem as we see it We shall bring to the task our combined experience and knowledge. This should suggest a useful program for anyone concerned with a drinking problem.”
Stay out of relationships for the first year
Page. 69, paragraph 1: “We do not want to be the arbiter of anyone’s sex conduct.”
Page 69, paragraph 3: “In meditation, we ask God what we should do about each specific matter. The right answer will come if we want it.”
Page 69, paragraph 4: “God alone can judge our sex situation.”
Page 69-70:”Counsel with other persons is often desirable, but we let God be the final judge.”
Page 70, Paragraph 2: “We earnestly pray for the right ideal, for guidance in each questionable situation, for sanity, and for the strength to do the right thing.”